A Swiftian Economic Proposal

News about the economy is getting scarier and scarier by the day. The American spending glut that fueled not just the American economy but the world economy as well is over now that the bills for the debt that fueled our historic consumption are now due. The government has run up a deficit of well over a trillion dollars this year in a desparate attempt to get people to start spending their money again but to no avail. Despite the trillions of dollars being spent, no new jobs are being created as we have in fact lost millions of jobs in the last year. This creates a vicious cycle as even people with jobs are even more likely to stop spending money for fear of losing their jobs in the future which leads to even more job losses. There must be some way to stimulate the economy.
The solution lies in class warfare. We wouldn't even have to spend more than it cost to buy bullets since there are already 200,000,000 estimated privately owned firearms in the United States alone. I just propose that we put them to use. Yes the rich own a portion of those firearms and they also have the police and the military at their disposal and they would ultimately win a class war against the poor and middle class but at a great economic cost. It is precisely this economic cost that would stimulate the economy.
Fear is what is largely driving this recession but we can harness fear to provide for an economic stimulus. As of 2006 there were an estimated 2,700,000 millionaires living in the United States using net worth valuations which excluded the value of their homes. The number has no doubt dropped since then but let us just walk through some math assuming that their are still around 2,000,000 remaining such millionaires. These people have enough available money to start spending it now but aren't because they don't want to rub other's faces in their financial security so they have been avoiding the usual ostentatious displays of wealth that they are accustomed to. However, if they legitimately feared for their lives they would no doubt begin to spend their money on security for themselves. As the police and military forces would be overwhelmed just by the sheer number of firearms in this country they would no longer be able to provide around the clock protection for the rich and, therefore, the rich would have to hire private security. Since the only way to ensure their safety is 24 hour surveillance this would create the need for many armed security personel. Each week is exactly 168 hours long so to have at least one armed guard around the house one would have to contract at least 4 full time employees and one part time employee in order to avoid having to pay overtime. As the rich have larger properties to protect, no one security guard would be able to protect more than four houses at a time. Using these numbers one could calculate that this would provide 4.2*500,000=2,100,000 new full-time jobs to the economy ( the .2 trailing the 4 is for those 8 hours left over after the four full time employees have been allotted their 40 hours a week). Moreover, these are higher quality jobs as armed security personel require a variety of special licenses in order to be able to carry firearms on the job. Also, the ultrarich would no doubt hire 24 hour security detail to escort them throughout their days. Assuming that only 100,000 of these 2,000,000 would qualify as ultrarich we get that they would hire an additional 4.2*100,000=420,000 armed security guards as their personal escorts. These security guards would be even more highly paid as they would have to be highly trained in counter-assassination and counter-kidnapping tactics in addition to their usual licensing requirements. That is 2,420,000 new jobs created thus far.
There is no doubt that the U.S., state, and local governments would, at the least, match the number of new private security hires with police and military new hires. That is 4,840,000 new jobs thus far. No doubt all the new private security, police, and military trainees would need instructors to train them in the counter-assassination and counter-kidnapping tactics as well as general firearm use for their licenses. Assuming that we would need at least one instructor for every 10 cadets that is an additional 484,000 jobs. These jobs would be permanent as security, police, and military personel need to renew their various licenses and training. That now brings the total of new jobs added to the economy to 5,324,000.
All of these 5,324,000 new employees would need to be properly equipped with weapons. As the U.S. gun manufactures currently produce and sell about 4,700,000 guns every year in the United States, the capacity to produce and sell weapons would need to be expanded by 112%. It has been estimated that at least 500,000 people are employed in gun manufacturing and gun retail. As both the gun manufacturing and retail jobs are already highly mechanized, the companies would have no choice but to hire about 112% more workers. That means there would be an additional 500,000*1.12= 560,000 new jobs added. The total is now comes to 5,884,000 permanent new jobs.
Gun manufacturers would no doubt have to build new factories, gun retailers would have to build new display rooms for their weapons, and the instructors would most definitely need additional training facilities for all the new trainees. All this new building would stimulate the construction industry which is currently reeling from the housing bust. This would put more construction workers back to work albeit only temporarily as this would only be a one-time expansion. All these new workers would undoubtedly spend their hard-earned money on their mortgages and rents, either directly or indirectly helping decelerate the foreclosure crisis which has led to the downward spiral in house prices that we have been experiencing as of late. There are no doubt countless new jobs which would be added to the economy as these security personel spend their money. Before we know it, we would have replaced all the jobs that have been lost in this recession.
If you don't have the guts to kill a rich person, there are other ways to do your part. Armed kidnapping will more than suffice as would arson which would have the added benefir of further stimulating the construction industry as the houses are replaced. Rich people would now be so fearful that they would probably even be willing to take on debt to pay for all their security upgrades. So all of you that were hesitant to engage in class warfare before because you feared being seen as a communist can now do so with a clean conscience knowing that you are helping stimulate the economy. You would be a true capitalist patriot.